


Hollow

by unsp00kable



Series: A Harvest of Pumpkins [4]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bisexual Katsuki Yuuri, Character Death, Depression, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Phichit Chulanont/Christophe Giacometti, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phichit Chulanont Is a Good Friend, Separations, accidental suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-10 14:35:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18662359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsp00kable/pseuds/unsp00kable
Summary: read chapter 1 and 2 ofPumpkin Patchesfirst, this is an alternate ending-please read the tags/warnings





	1. But you could've held my hands through this, baby

**Author's Note:**

> all I can say is read the tags.
> 
> DISCLAIMER- Victor is NOT practicing healthy self-care
> 
> TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES YOU DESERVE IT
> 
> read chapter 1 and 2 of [ Pumpkin Patches](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18634750/chapters/44189485) first, this is an alternate ending 
> 
> playlist for this fan fic can be found on [ Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/unsp00kable/playlist/5QHbDqxCfOUYMz73M5oDUU?si=DeANI9p9TWubmTndBhE9dw) [ Youtube](https://youtu.be/rsEne1ZiQrk)
> 
> Lyrics from Frank Ocean's [ Close to You ](https://open.spotify.com/track/1VZLEW5ZfcAbKZ94XQiSZF?si=I0_G-6V5Rvmhld8ryV0GGg)

By the time Victor got to his hotel suite from the Detroit airport, he was already exhausted.   
  
It was only noon.    
  
Walking past the mirrors in the oversized bathroom made him grimace. His hair was greasy and unkept. His skin was dull and pale, his natural ethereal glow gone.    
  
His eyes, oh his eyes. The sclera of his eyes were pink, from what he doesn’t know. It may be from the lack of sleep or being on the verge of tears at any given time. The bags under his eyes were the biggest he’s ever seen on himself, puffy and the color of purple bruises.    
  
Eyes not leaving his reflection in the mirror, he began to undress himself for a much needed shower. Just in the four days since the Cup of China, Victor has only ate a handful of meals. The consequences already making themselves evident. His usually well kept body is already slimming, muscle loss occurring from malnourishment.    
  
His refined abs and quads that were key to his profession were wasting away, like the rest of him.    
  
Victor didn’t realize he was crying until he seen the hot tears streaking his chest in the mirror.    
  
_ I can’t even bring myself to care. I just miss him  _ so _ much. _   
  
The marble in the bathroom echoed with his hiccups as Victor began to openly sob, bouncing the sound around like an audience booing. He punched the mirror, shattering his image, splinters of himself flying.    
  
_ I hurt him. _

_ He didn’t deserve any of it.  _

_ All he did was love me, love me with his whole being. _   
  
Not caring about the shards littering the floor, Victor somberly made his way to the large bathtub in the center of the room, turning the faucet on to the hottest temperature.    
  
_ Even when he suspected I was unfaithful, he still loved me. He loved me up until the very end. He probably still cares for me and I don’t deserve any of it. _   
  
Once the tub was half empty, Russia’s national hero lowered himself into the steamy tub. He winced as his hair spread like a silver halo around his crown.     
  
_ Yuuri, with his sweet soul and eyes full of stars deserves the world. His heart deserves someone who will cherish it more than their own. _   
  
Victor was soon bathed in crimson, the deep gash on his wrist and hand mixing in with the scalding bath water.    
  
_ It’s a shame I couldn’t be that for him... _   
  
Victor drifted off with memories of amber eyes and freckles from their first summer, the best summer of his life.

_________________________________________________

“Why yes, that’s me, the wedding planner but to formally introduce ourselves...”   
  
The blond opened the door to Victor’s apartment fully, making the two men flinch.   
  
“...I’m Yulia Zamolodchikova. But you already knew that didn’t you? You must be Christophe Giacometti, and Masumi Orenji?”    
  
If Yulia wasn’t one of the reasons that lead to the demise of Yuuri and Victor’s engagement, Chris thought he could almost get used to the purr of this woman’s voice. Almost.    
  
She stuck her hand out for them to shake. Only sweet Masumi took her bait, long perfectly manicured midnight blue nails poking the back of his hand.    
  
“I wasn’t expecting there to be any company here. Is Victor home?” Chris didn’t dare bat an eyelash around Yulia. Snakes just couldn’t be trusted no matter how pretty.  

 

She bit her lip, blinking owlishly before replying, “He is away on a trip, but he should return home soon. Come inside before we attract any...attention. “ The Russian gestured for them to follow her in as she turned on her heel.    
  
Chris and Masumi spoke to each other through their eyes as Chris began to follow her in, Masumi closing the door behind them.    
  


_ Something is off.  _

  
Although Chris never did get to spend much time in this apartment when Yuuri and Victor shared it, being international friends and all, it pained him to see Yulia here. Yuuri definitely wasn’t in Victor’s life when he first got this apartment, but they’d made it their home together, giving it love and life. And here Yulia was, making camp out of the home she’d wrecked.    
  
Clearing his throat Chris spoke up, “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather move up our appointment for tomorrow to right now since we are already here.”    
  
Fishing three wine glasses from the kitchen, Yulia disappeared while Chris and Masumi made themselves comfortable in the living room.    
  
“Da, that will be fine, let me just fetch my scrapbooks and binders so we can start planning your big day!”   
  
Chris and Masumi really had come up with a genius plan. Since nobody knew the couple had split, they were going to play it off that they were planning a private wedding, choosing none other than Yulia to plan it.    
  
They were hoping that having the upper hand in this ordeal may allow them to get into Yulia’s head and figure out what really happened.    
  
Although the two friends weren’t actually getting married it was fun painting an abstract of what their wedding would look like, a perfect blend of both their tastes. Before they knew it a whole bottle of wine had been drunk and their scheduled two hour appointment had came to an end.    
  
“We need to begin scheduling appointments to taste wines, cake and such so I will need your phone number Chris to better keep in contact. How long are you two going to be visiting St.Petersburg for?”    
  
The Swiss hummed scribbling his number down next to all the notes and sketches of suits and venues in Yulia’s sketch book.    
  
“Just long enough to get the job done.”    
  
He chuckled at the vagueness and double meaning of his own words as he passed the pen to Masumi. But before he could jot down his number, Yulia flipped the book closed.    
  
“I think having Chris’ number should suffice Masumi, no need to have yours too.”   
  
Feeling just a tad awkward at being so indirectly rejected left Masumi reeling for a moment before he felt Chris’ hand slip into his.    
  
Waving and beginning to walk themselves out Masumi said “Well we will be waiting for a call from you!”    
  
“Yes, and do tell Victor to call me, I do miss him.” Chris said skeptically.   
  
Yulia was trailing the couple, mesmerized at how Chris’ body moves when he walks.   
  
“Will do, it was nice meeting you.”    
  
With one last squeeze to Chris’ shoulder she closed the door, leaving the couple in more of a confused stupor than when they arrived two hours ago.   
  
“Dear goodness that was a lot.”    
  
Walking to the elevator Masumi bobbed his head in agreement.   
  
“I’m going to need some coffee to process all this.”


	2. tore my shirt to stop you bleedin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a crush comes to light and a bittersweet goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so if you're reading both versions of this story you may notice they nearly line up except for a details...that'll change...soon 
> 
> title of chapter is lyrics from Billie Eilish's "when the party's over"

“I don’t think we should pack up Yuuri’s things. She’s living in their apartment, I don’t think it’d be good to do it in front of her.”   
  
Masumi was lying on the King sized bed in Chris and his suite, fresh out of the shower.   
Chris was smearing his night mask on his face in front of the brightly lit mirror in the bathroom, “I don’t think so either. Honestly, how little she knows of where Victor is or when he is coming back worries me. Who knows if Victor even knows she’s there...she could have broken in.”   
  
“Has she texted or called you yet?  I don’t want to think about leaving Russia without taking care of Yuuri’s possessions but if that’s out of the question and she’s not texting you...maybe we should fly to Detroit?”   
  
  
* ** _ping_** *  
 **11:07 PM**   
**Yulia the “wedding planner”:** _Hello Chris! So I was wondering would you like to look at some ideas with me tomorrow over brunch?i want to hear your opinion- apart from your fiancé’s_

  
“That was her, she wants me to have brunch with her- alone.” Chris huffed waggling his eyebrows.    
  


“I bet she’s looking for a lot more than just brunch.” Masumi grumbled,  annoyed with that manic woman.    
  


“Oh Masumi, we’ve got to play nice if we want to find anything out.”   
  


“You’re right. I just can’t believe she’s only met you this morning and she’s already preying on you.”   
  


Turning out the lights, Chris got into bed with Masumi.    
“If this wasn’t an elaborate investigation and you were my fiancé, she’d have to start trying harder if she wanted to steal me from the likes of you Masumi,” Chris smiled at the other man’s peal of laughter, “Sleep now, I have a feeling we’ll be needing it for what’s in store for tomorrow.”    
  
In the morning Chris got ready for his brunch with Yulia, leaving Masumi in bed sleeping.    
When he got to the quiet café, he knew he was in for an amusing morning.    
—————————————————————   
  
He walked the short distance from the rink to Phichit’s apartment replaying what had fell from Olivia’s lips. 

  
Yuuri was now feeling upset, a ball of anxiety churning in his chest while he thought about how stupid he was, obsessing over what was less than a ten second mention of Victor. He still loved Victor and he hated himself for it. He’s been trying, oh has he been trying to swallow those feelings, rid them from his heart, body, and soul. But, just when he thinks he’s doing better something that reminds him of his ex-lover, or most recently, hearing his name and the possibility that he is in the same city, sends him spiraling. 

  
He doesn’t want to be that anymore, so merciless to the person who has taken so much from him. But anytime he thinks of those pools of teal he becomes helpless, held captive by the beauty of the person he used to believe was his soulmate. At one time, he’d seen his beginning, future, and his end in those shades of blue. Turns out, all those eyes could ever see was Yuuri’s end.

  
Finally stumbling into the apartment, Yuuri’s eyes began to leak on their own. It was just his luck that Phichit was yammering away at the kitchen island with company. Who it was, Yuuri didn’t have it in him to check.   
He bounded up the stairs that led to the guest-room-turned-Yuuri’s-room as he felt the waterworks build up. 

 

Having snagged Phichit’s bluetooth speaker a few days ago, he turns on the  [ playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/user/unsp00kable/playlist/5QHbDqxCfOUYMz73M5oDUU?si=NTDgtIO2TdCliyWST9CEBw) he made recently that he only listens to when he’s sad. He plays the depressive music loud, hoping it would help drown out the sound of the sobs racking his body as he laid in his bed.    
  


_ I should not be crying anymore tears for him, but I can’t help it. All of these songs remind me of him. _

—————————————————————   
Chris felt dizzy standing there in Phichit’s kitchen. It’s the day after having brunch with Yulia and honestly Chris couldn’t be happier being away from her, from Russia itself.    
  


Leaving physically empty handed was a downer but Chris and Masumi had dug up some dirt. When he’d gotten back from brunch Masumi had packed his luggage, sitting on their shared bed.    
  


“I know we had both planned to fly to Detroit together in the morning,” he started, licking his lips.   
  


“But I don’t think that’s such a good idea Chris. If Phichit is the one you yearn for, then I need to cut myself out of the picture for now, especially while things are still tender.”    
  


Christophe felt helpless from the doorway as he watched Masumi bite back tears. 

  
“We can be and still are friends like we’d set out to be but, I’m afraid I’m no longer needed at the moment in this scheme, Yulia having attached herself to you and not me.”    
  


The Swiss skater swallowed at his swelling throat, it was from the thought of Masumi and his lives being changed and split. He floated over to join the sad man on the bed, concern flooding his eyes. 

  
“Masumi...” he started, not knowing where he was going with that. 

  
“Shhh, it’s okay Chris. I have a flight back to Sweden scheduled for midnight tonight. If you and Phichit have any chance, I need to get out of the way.” 

  
Leaning forward, he pecked Chris for the last time on his lips, soft and savory.    
  


“Just because I’ll be in Sweden does not mean I want to be out of the loop of this whole Yulia situation. Now please, for the love of God, tell me what happened at brunch?” Masumi giggled wetly.    
  


And so Chris did just that, spending the day theorizing and walking down memory lane as midnight approached all too quickly, taking Masumi with its passing.    
  


That night Chris lay alone running through the details of his trip to Detroit. Beside him his phone was being blown up with texts from a certain blond but nothing could break him from his thoughts as he drifted off to sleep.    
  


In the morning he awoke, bright and early and landed in Michigan many hours later. Standing here in Phichit’s kitchen made his head spin. He had just begun to tell the story of meeting Yulia in St.Petersburg, on the cusp of explaining that Masumi and him were no more, when Yuuri snaked his way into the apartment without even a wave. 

  
Phichit had told the Swiss that Yuuri hadn’t been himself lately but he’d never thought it’d be this bad. Yuuri looked thin, purple bags under his eyes and it’s honestly the worst he’s ever looked in Chris’ opinion. Batting his eyelashes, Chris attempted to continue his story, the long explanation he’d planned in his head.    
  


**_Our love has gone cold_ ** **_  
_ ** **_You're intertwining your soul with somebody else_ **

 

Heavy lyrics of the band [The 1975](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9SUTtDVheM) flooded the atmosphere, Phichit frowning as he looked towards the stairs.   
  


“...and that would be Yuuri. I should go up there, he only listens to this playlist when he’s had a very bad day.” Sighing deeply through his nose Phichit looked at Chris under the yellow lights.    
  


“I think he subconsciously made this playlist with songs that remind him of Victor.”   
  


Phichit gave the door two quick rasps with his knuckles before opening it. As he’d suspected his best friend was a ball of blankets and tears on his bed.    
  


“It’s been one of those days hasn’t it?” Yuuri sniffled as a response, gently jostled as Phichit sat next to him on the bed.    
  


“Well how about this? We go out tonight. We live it up, party it up. Sure alcohol isn’t the healthiest way to get over someone but hey, you haven’t been anywhere besides here and the rink.”   
  


The Thai guy laid back on the bed and listened to the sounds of Yuuri’s labored breathing and hiccups as the song ended, the next beginning. It was “[Privilige](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcVDXHeD59c)” by The Weeknd **.**

 

The older one of the two uncovered his face from the blanket having been able to get a better hold of himself, the two men now both staring up at the ceiling.    
  


“Hey Yuuri...” Phichit trailed off.    
  


Without his glasses on he couldn’t see much, but Yuuri could see enough of his friend’s face to know there was something bothering him.    
  


“Yes?”    
  


“...you know what? Nevermind, you’ve got too much on your plate to hear about mine.”    
  


Turning his whole face and body towards him, Yuuri gave his full attention to his best friend. This mutual venting thing they’re doing, they’ve done since their college days. A way for both of them to talk out their feelings and clear their chests without feeling like a burden to the other.    
  


“No way, Peach. You’ve got to spill now, all we’ve been talking about for weeks is Victor and I. It’s your turn.”    
  


“Well, um so Chris is here, and he seems...different. I think Masumi and him broke it off.”   
  


Face breaking out into a shit-eating grin, Yuuri spoke of the elephant in the room since he knows Phichit would dance around it if he didn’t.   
  


“Oh, is this about the  _ crush on Chris you’ve been harboring for years _ ?” He said quickly, words rolling off of his tongue, knowing that the sound of The Weeknd crooning will drown them out from listening ears.   
  


Phichit spluttered, rolling over on top of a giggling Yuuri, covering his mouth with both hands. He’s got to admit, if it takes self humiliation to see life in those amber eyes again then Phichit guesses he’ll just have to take it.    
  


“Shut up! He’s-“   
  


“Well hello boys.” Chris drawls smooth as fine wine, strolling across the landing in the staircase, interrupting Phichit.    
  


The Thai skater flung himself off of his best friend as the Swiss entered the room, flustered at Chris’ suggestive tone.    
  


“Goodness Phichit, leaving me lonesome downstairs while you two have all the fun up here?” Chris chuckled deeply at the expression on both of their faces.    
  


“I was just asking Yuuri here if he was up for clubbing tonight.”    
  


Yuuri was loving this, it has been a long time since he’s seen his partner-in-crime like this. Despite not really wanting to go out after a day like this, Yuuri decided to take one for the team, wanting to see where this night takes Chris and Phichit.    
  


He needed somebody in his life to find love if he can’t find it yet for his own self.     
  


_ I mean, how bad can it be? I’ll go out with them, drink a few drinks and sneak home. They won’t even notice I’m gone. Hmm...but then again, this could be fun. I wonder if Olivia would like to come? _

 

“Would it be okay if I brought someone with?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do y'all think? :))))


	3. wipe the lust from your eyes, I see that you're not mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I’m late?? 
> 
> Title is lyrics from “secrets” by the weekend

Oh boy had Yuuri been wrong about it being an easy night.    
It had started out okay, getting in to the club easily enough, even though it was packed. 

 

Phichit and Chris had gotten a hold of him, dressing him in ripped tight black skinny jeans that made his ass look “delectable” (Chris’ words not his). Phichit has worked some gel through his hair, slicking it back as he shakily put contacts in his own eyes. Chris had picked through Phichit’s wardrobe as Yuuri’s was still in Russia. 

 

Together they suggested the skimpiest tops of lace and fishnet that Yuuri had no idea his friend even owned. They all compromised when Yuuri refused all of their choices, picking a jumper with with bulky stripes in earthy tones. Even Yuuri admitted that he looked good. 

 

Sadly though Olivia wasn’t able to join them, apparently it was the weekend before finals. 

 

All three skaters waded through the crowd to get to the bar, Yuuri taking a few shots with Chris and Peach to get the night going.    
  


“Don’t get too crazy with the alcohol Yuuri, you know what it does to you! We will be right back!” Phichit had yelled over the bass of the  [ music ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJ8fDGv4k8s) .    
  


But of course, as soon as his friends left him at the bar to go dance, Yuuri noticed a silver head of hair amongst the throng of people.    
  


He chalked it up to just wishing Victor was here, imagining it from the liquor in his veins making him tipsy.    
Yuuri did that the first few days of being in Detroit. He missed Victor so much that his brain made apparitions of Victor appear like a ghost, offering him comfort in those strong arms of his and smile that could outshine the sun.    
  


Having mentally blocked himself from what happened earlier that day in order to have a good time, Yuuri had forgotten that Victor could possibly be in Detroit as he thought to himself:   
  


_ It’s not him Yuuri, why would he be in this club? How could he possibly know to find you in Detroit? _

 

It was a long, drunkenly drawn out “Yuuuuuuurrrriiiiiiiii” that broke him from his spiraling thoughts.    
Yuuri tried to ignore it, having been through this before. But fuck if he didn’t miss the sound of Victor’s voice saying his name like it actually meant something to him.    
  


_ Okay I’m definitely  _ gone!  _ Gosh I must’ve already drank to much. _

 

“Let’s dance Yuuri!” The ghost said, grabbing his hand and helping him off the tall barstool.    
  


_ I might look like a fool on the dance floor dancing by myself but I do need to relax. Besides, Chris and Phichit are seemingly nowhere to be found… _

 

Yuuri let his imagination run wild with this ghost, allowing himself to be lead to the dance floor. Yuuri could be selfish too. If the real Victor wouldn’t give him his all, then maybe this one would let Yuuri be his one and only.    
So they danced; danced and laughed until Yuuri’s face hurt and his feet could take no more.    
Ghost Victor’s eyes were dreamily blown.    
  


“So, what, no dance off?”    
  


“I’m not drunk enough,” the younger one replied blinking sluggishly, “besides this isn’t a banquet and you’re not real.”    
  


This caused them both to throw their heads back, giggling and carefree.    
  


When Yuuri opened his eyes again, the apparition was looking at him with a wistful smile on his pink lips, sugary gaze gleaming with the bright lights periodically bathing the room. 

  
“You wanna go somewhere?”

 

Yuuri read his lips more than heard the question, the throbbing bass and atmosphere of the club finally getting to him. Either way, Yuuri found himself nodding his head. Bobbing through the crowd, hand in hand with a product of his imagination fueled by his broken heart, Yuuri found himself genuinely smiling, feeling the lightest he’s been since Yulia weaseled her way into their lives.    
—————————————————————   
Chris admits, thudding music, strobe lights, and the jostle of being hip to hip with wiggling strangers is not the ideal setup to tell Phichit him and Masumi have split (and maybe, just maybe confess his crush for that cutie).    
  


Yet here they are.    
  


They were moving, bodies complimenting each other while dancing. Phichit would move one way, ass bouncing hypnotically, and Chris would try to keep up, whilst trying to not get caught up in the way his dick and heart rate kept trying to rise being so close to the Thai. 

 

After some time the Swiss couldn’t take a second longer of this ridiculousness. He was Christophe Giacometti for fucks sake! Christophe Giacometti is not shy by any standard.    
  


“Phichit I’ve got to tell you, Masumi and I-“   
  


Nervous and jumpy, Phichit would rather not hear anything at all about Chris’ boyfriend. Especially when he was trying his hardest at keeping their dancing from turning into anything that wasn’t platonic. Phichit didn’t think he could survive if it did. Moreover, Chris had a boyfriend.    
  


Eyes scanning for a distraction, Phichit looked to where they’d left Yuuri at the bar.    
“Hey! I wonder where Yuuri went?” he asked awkwardly.    
His Apple Watch flashed with an answering text:   
  


**12:32 AM**   
**Yuwuri-** _goin home dont woiry ;))_

 

Having read the message, Chris took a deep breath. It was now or never.    
  


“Phichit, I...have been meaning to tell you something. Masumi and I split. We are still good friends but I couldn’t do it to him.”    
  


Phichit stilled his movements, heart beating like horse hooves on a racetrack. His wide eyes frankly scared Chris, having never seen his crush at a loss for words as he was now. Both feeling like fish out of water despite swimming in a sea of people, they just stared at each other. 

 

“C-couldn’t do what?” 

 

Phichit attempted the breathing exercises engraved in his mind from all the times he’s recited them to fellow anxious skaters and students. Namely Yuuri. 

 

“What Victor did. Heart in one place, mind in another.” 

 

It was like Chris had broken a spell. Phichit springing into his arms, catching the shorter man easily with a hold on those tiny hips. 

 

Chris gasped on impact, or so he thinks. He doesn’t really know, since it was lost to Phichit’s quick peck to his bottom lip. 

 

“You aren’t Victor. I don’t think you ever could be, Chris.” he said, staring at those thick cherry lips wanting more. 

 

“I hope not. Masumi and I are good friends now. He understood, which is more than I could have ever asked for.”

 

Playing with the short length of the Swiss’ undercut, Phichit stayed with his arms wrapped around his neck, held up by strong hands against a killer waistline. 

 

Neither of them was drunk by any means, but the feeling of the older man’s hardening cock poking him in the ass has Phichit floating. Phichit began sucking on

on his own bottom lip, torn. 

Chris had a lovesick look on his face, soft and vulnerable to the man in his arms. He wanted Chris, he really  _ really _ wants Chris. 

 

_ But what about Yuuri? Is it fair to get the fucking of your life while your best friend is still dealing with the emotional trauma his ex left him with?  _

 

Funnily enough, Christophe was thinking along the same lines.

 

_ I wonder if this is against guy code, resolving an unrequited love amongst a cloud of despair from one of the toughest breakups known to history? Oof, did I just use the word love?  _

 

“Look Chris, I want to, I really do. But-“

 

“Yuuri I know,” Chris sighed, breath tickling Phichit’s hardened nipples as he leaned his forehead against svelte collar bones. .

 

Smiling boyishly, Phichit felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise, blush spreading. 

 

He looked down at Chris’ head as the Swiss walked them towards a table in the back, unable to resist himself from reaching his hand out, stroking gold hair lovingly now that he could. Gosh he’s been gone for this man almost as long as Yuuri had been for Victor. 

 

Chris sat at a tiny table for two in the dark part of the club, dwarfing the small frame perched on his lap. Phichit was glad Chris couldn’t see his face from this angle, knowing his dopey smile would give away all the sappiness he felt in his heart, but there was still room for uncertainness. 

 

“Y’know Chris, I have liked you for a very long time. I don’t know how you feel but I want more than just sex.” 

 

Reaching up, Chris kissed Phichit soundly on the lips, heart soaring. 

 

“I feel the exact same, love. I want to be whatever you need me to be.” 

 

Phichit surged forward once again that night, licking into Chris’ hot mouth, before getting embarrassed at his forward ness  and pulling back. The Swiss wasn’t going to have any of that, connecting their mouths briefly to nip on Peach’s lip. 

 

Wanting to capture this moment of giddiness, Peach took out his phone, posing with a kiss to Chris’ cheek as he snapped a selfie. 

 

A few drinks later, a very hot make out session, and some heavy petting in the Uber later, the two men wrestled into Phichit’s bed around 3 AM, mindful of the apartment’s thin walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY BOYS KISSED AND YES I USED PEACHES AND CREAM FOR OBVIOUS REASONS 🍑
> 
> what’s your favorite part this far?? 
> 
> don’t forget to catch the alternate version :))


	4. dancing with a stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm SO sorry for not updating yesterday,
> 
> hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> title is lyrics from Sam Smith's "Dancing with a Stranger" which is on Yuuri's playlist if y'all care to listen to it 😎😎

Bar hopping late into the early morning with only a “hallucination” as company wasn’t the smartest thing Yuuri’s done. Not being slick and low key about it wasn’t so smart either. 

 

They’d hit up every gay club in Detroit and then some by the time they were all closing at 3 AM. 

 

Yuuri was loud, liquid strength giving him the courage to take over any karaoke machine he had the pleasure of being in the same room with. 

 

As loud as he was though, singing his heart out to “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction everytime, ghost Victor was even louder, cheering on Yuuri like a groupie.

 

“SHOW THEM YOUR EROS YUUUURIIII,” he’d cup his hands and shout over everything else. 

 

Thinking only he could hear him, Yuuri always winked at him before wiggling and shaking his ass at the occasional money being tossed towards him. 

 

Getting kicked out at the last bar closing, Yuuri wandered the streets a little bit, the sparse liquor in his veins keeping him toasty. Well, that and an arm around his shoulders, pulling him into the side of a certain tall ghost of his past. 

 

He didn’t want to go home yet, not wanting the pain and sadness of the unknown that comes every morning to come back.  What he did know though is that he was currently having the most fun he’s had in months. The weight of worry and anxiety about his future lifted, his cloudy skies of depression cleared. Yuuri dared to call what he was feeling happiness. 

 

Ending up in the place he and Peach used to always end up when drunk in Detroit, Yuuri found himself walking through the parking lot of the only twenty-four hour laundry mat in the city. His eyes squinted at the bright neon sign of a maiden scrubbing clothes on a washing board. 

At this time of night, there was no one in there, besides the desk clerk themself doing their laundry. 

 

Perfect. 

 

Yuuri sat in his favorite spot, the chair closest to the washer that’s been out of order since before the pair of friends walked through that door for the first time. The ghost sorta flitted, squishing itself into one of the laundry carts. Yuuri giggled at how cute he looked, internationally ranked, gold winning long legs spilling out from the sides. 

 

The ghost’s face melted into a smile that Victor usually gave when he longed for something. 

“I’ve missed that sound.” 

 

“Me too,” Yuuri whispered, reflecting. “The humm of the dryer is doing a nice job of giving me some privacy, since I am talking to himself. I hope the clerk doesn’t think I’m tripping out like Peach and I did that one time.”

 

Victor Nikiforov lazily smiled.

“You’re so funny Yuuri, you’re not talking to yourself, I’m right here.” 

 

A beat passed as Yuuri fiddled with his fingers. 

 

“How are you?” He asked, genuinely concerned, knowing trying to apologize to Yuuri once more wont get him anywhere.

 

“How are you?” Yuuri parroted back, smirking boyishly as he studied the tile under the laundry cart. As the night went on he began to feel just a tad bit crazy, giggling some more. But, as his smirk faded away, he looked back up at Victor’s face, wishing he could caress those cheekbones and look into eyes full of love once more. 

 

Right now, he felt like he could drown in his ocean eyes, and end it all. But instead, he decided to vent to the bootleg version of the person he used to be able to lay his head in the lap of and open up about anything and everything to. 

 

Yuuri has been feeling a tad guilty for turning down all of Phichit’s attempts to be his rock again, like they used to be for each other in University. But Yuuri found himself not being able to be honest with himself, much less his kind hearted best friend.  

 

But Victor, whether it was the faded poster, real life, or now, even ghost, Yuuri has always been able to be completely honest with any versions of him almost all of his life. 

 

“I miss you,” he started, “I’m still in shock, disbelief, and even disappointed, but overall, I’m pretty sad. I don’t know what I did to make you unhappy. I know I never seem to satisfy anybody, that I’m never enough, but-“

 

Yuuri broke off, hot tears running, undoubtedly ruining the eyeliner Chris had swiped on his waterline. 

 

“I thought we were unbreakable, unstoppable. Victor I was so in love with you that it blinded me. I refused to acknowledge the monster of suspicion tearing through my rib cage every waking hour and sometimes haunting me in dreams. I thought you wouldn’t have ever dared to hurt me, letting you into the deepest depths of me, of my heart. But all you did was learn how to hurt me the most. My love for you was so strong, unbreakable, while I myself am like porcelain.”

 

Sniffling and crying as he watched the man that he destroyed shatter once again before his eyes, Victor scrambled, using his legs to propel himself off the line of washers to be closer to Yuuri. He also had tears in his eyes, feeling the weight of disappointment and sadness crush his chest.

 

So he too opened up, although he didn’t deserve any of Yuuri’s time that he’s taken tonight. He spoke to Yuuri in a soft tone, eyes wandering as they bled tears of pain and regret.

 

He was disappointed with himself, hated himself for letting himself get mixed up with someone else when he had all he ever needed or wanted in Yuuri. Sweet Yuuri, with his big Bambi eyes that cause Victor to do silly things like jet all around the world chasing him, throwing his career, the thing that he used to live and breathe, to the wind. How could he have ever hurt his Zoloste, his heart, his love, his life? How was he okay with meeting with Yulia under Yuuri’s nose, betraying him and his heart of gold. 

 

“Yuuri you don’t need a gold medal to prove a thing to me, I regret having ever made you feel you were inadequate with the silver medal you worked so hard for… you are worth so much more. If it weren’t for your giant heart of gold, I would’ve given up on myself long ago. You’re the only one that’s ever seen  _ me _ looked at who I really am, past my skating, got to know me, and still accepted me. 

 

“I don’t know why it’s only now coming out of me Yuuri but it fucking terrified me how much I loved you and how quickly and irrevocably you fell for the real me. I’m not perfect, and I never will be and I’m still at almost thirty fucking years old trying to wrap my head around that since that’s what I’ve always been told and what I’d believed until I met you Yuuri. You showed me how perfectly imperfect you are and the beauty behind it all, making me fall for you even harder, even while we are still apart.” 

 

They were both sobbing ugly tears by then, Victor knowing he could go on and on with the revelations he’s made since the Cup of China. He is not the same man he once was. 

Although he knew better, Victor’s fingers itches to wipe those big crocodile tears from that gorgeous face of Yuuri’s that he’d caused. But he knew he didn’t deserve that. He deserved to be tortured by the clear evidence of the pain he’d caused. 

 

Yuuri too craved to touch Victor’s face, feel that ethereal skin painted with salt. But alas, Yuuri couldn’t bring himself to, believing his fingertips would only be met with the stuffy air in this large room, having tried this over and over with this ghost of his. 

 

Without a word, tired and exhausted from the night of dancing and emotions assaulting him, Yuuri rose from his seat. He walked towards the entrance pensive.

 

The pair stayed silent the whole way, marinating on what’s been said until reaching the stoop of Phichit and Yuuri’s place. 

 

“Um, Yuuri I don’t think I should go in there.” Victor hesitated to follow Yuuri inside. 

 

Japan’s Ace paused, briefly to look at Victor’s “ghost” from where he was unlocking the door with his shiny new key. 

 

“You’ve never had a problem following me in before…” Yuuri trailed off, puzzled. 

 

Victor himself was still confused, but he didn’t want to disappoint Yuuri. 

 

“Well, do you want me to come in?” 

 

Deep down, Victor was terrified of a replay of what happened at the Cup of China; Chris and Phichit ganging up on him with not much time as it was. On top of all that, he wanted Yuuri’s full consent that he was comfortable with him around. It’d been awhile since Yuuri had drunk anything, the cold Detroit air probably sobering him as much as it could.

 

“Yes.” Yuuri answered, becoming increasingly concerned with his need for this knock off of Victor. 

 

The two men gracefully went up the stairs, cheeks pinking at the sounds coming from the Thai’s room. Once inside Yuuri’s door, Victor felt like an actual ghost, floating around in a room he did not belong in. 

 

The brunette motioned for Victor’s evanescent form to get into bed with him. Yuuri’s room had such large windows, the break of dawn oozing light across the sky, slowly but surely. 

 

The Russian laid down, staring into amber eyes until they looked back at him. 

“If you get uncomfortable at all with me Yuuri, please feel like you can tell me anything that’s bothering you. Uncomfortable is the last thing I want to make you feel.” 

 

“You’re not like him,” Yuuri started, snuggling further into his bed, as close to Victor as he dared, “I can actually trust you to not stab me in the back.”

 

It stung. Hearing Yuuri freely speaking his mind to him. But, Victor knows he did worse onto Yuuri, and that’s all on him. If it takes a million proverbial slaps in the face from Yuuri to balance out the wrong-doing he’d done to his past lover, then he’d take it. 

 

Glancing at his phone, Yuuri realized it was nearing 6 AM. He plugged it in, before trying his hardest to fall asleep. 

 

Yuuri thinks the ghost might be crying, small sniffles being the only noise in the room.

 

The smaller man shut it out though limbs finally relaxing after the day he’s had. Right before he drifts to sleep, he hears the faintest whisper.

 

‘ _ It never was her Yuuri. You have to believe me baby, I’ll always be in love with you. That’ll never change.’   _

 

Body too tired to muster any response he wishes back with his mind, ‘  _ I love you.’ _

 

In the morning when he woke, he was annoyed at the part of himself that was disappointed to wake to an empty bed. He missed Victor and longed any way possible he could have him, even the figment of his imagination that he spent last night with. 

 

After sulking in the sun for a few minutes his stomach demanded food. Sneaking down the stairs, past his best friend’s bedroom door on his way to the kitchen he could hear two voices chatting away on the other side. 

 

_ Phichit must’ve gotten lucky, gosh I hope it’s Chris. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so how we feeling about "ghost victor?" ☹ Is he really just a cocktail of Yuuri's anxiety and imagination?


	5. i've been waiting my whole life to know i wanted you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just got out of a STATs final phew! enjoy!!!! 
> 
> title is lyrics from WANTED U by Joji ☺
> 
> ps if youre reading this you are a brave soul

After their rendezvous in the club (and in Phichit’s bed) the two skaters woke in each other’s arms. 

 

That and the sound of Chris’ phone getting a million texts from Yulia. 

 

_ Oh yes, her... _

 

Phichit rolled over on top of the Swiss as he looked at his phone whilst laying on his back. Straddling Chris, Phichit pressed his hands against the taller man’s pecs, both men naked as the day they were born. 

 

Rathering to live in the moment with Phichit, Chris locked his phone, tossing it on a nearby pillow. He sighed deeply, content as he ran his hands up sculpted brown thighs, seeing his reflection in the dark playful eyes above him. 

 

“I’ve been meaning to debrief you since stepping into this apartment yesterday.” Chris said, smirking. 

 

“You’ve already debriefed me, remember?” Phichit rolled his hips suggestively, giggling. 

 

Chris literally cackled an embarrassing laugh, one he’d never admit to being capable of making.

 

“Yes, that too,” the Swiss purred, fingers dangerously dancing near Phichit’s cock,” but I mean debrief you on the Yulia situation.” 

 

Sighing, Chris continued, “I’m happy that Yuuri is got back out there last night but I’m genuinely a little worried about Victor. I mean it’s been over a week and nobody has heard anything from him…” 

 

“Yeah, I’ve been keeping up with social media closely, watching to see where he pops up at or what everybody is saying about him that’ll give some clues on what he’s doing now.”

 

“Well, he’s not at his St.Petersburg apartment, I know that for sure.” Phichit found it adorable how Chris’ bottom lip stuck out a little when he was mad. 

 

Playing with it with his finger, Phichit asked,” how is that?”

 

“Get this, Yulia is living there! We think she might have broken in. We didn’t get Yuuri’s things since she was all over the place. ” 

 

“Broke in?!”

 

“I have the key code for the lock memorized, maybe if she seen Victor type it in enough times she did too…” 

 

Anger making his black irises seem that much darker, Phichit felt himself tearing up just a little. It’s an annoying reaction to when his emotions get too strong.

 

“Food. I’m going to need some food before hearing all of this.” 

 

Above them, they could hear Yuuri’s bedroom door shut loudly, having scurried off with a messy bowl of cereal in his grip. 

_______________________________

 

Phichit’s jaw was hanging open, breakfast only half finished. He honestly doesn’t know if he could finish it now.

 

After dragging themselves out of bed to make food, both men found themselves maneuvering around each other in the cramped kitchen. It had taken them over a good hour to cook, distracting each other with smooches here and there and wicked smiles. 

 

When they both finally sat down to eat, Chris recounted the story of him and Masumi in Russia. 

 

He told Phichit of their grand plan of pretending to be fiancés to meet with Yulia, planning a wedding that will never see the light of day. Phichit was laughing and giggling at their genius before Chris opened his phone to the desperate texts Yulia has been sending him since departing at brunch in Russia. He hasn’t texted her back, or even opened her texts from being so caught up in Phichit. And Phichit caught up in him. Both cases.

 

_ It was a blissfully  _ **_long_ ** _ night  _

 

Christophe was in the middle of laughing and showing his crush Yulia’s most recent text when a new one came in. This one had an image attached.

It was of the blonde holding up two different swatches of fabric in Victor’s well lit bathroom. The picture seems innocent enough until the well placed mirror in the background catches the men’s attention. Posed perfectly to show off a peachy bottom and mile long legs is Yulia’s naked body.    
  
The caption read: “Champagne or ivory?”    
  
Phichit’s first reaction was his mouth hanging open in complete and utter shock. To be honest, Chris wasn’t too surprised with the way she flirted with him in front of his “fiancé”, but he hadn’t expected a nude this soon.    
  
“I-“ Phichit started before just exploding with laughter, Chris unable to contain himself, joining in.    
  
“She sent you, Chris, you of all people a nude?! She must be very desperate, but gosh I wonder if she was this forward with Victor? You can see her whole bare ass!”   
  
The Swiss wiped a tear from his eye from laughing so hard, not knowing how to reply.    
  
“‘Champagne or ivory?’ How about let’s just not?” Chris mocked in a high pitched voice meant to sound like the Russian in question.

 

‘She has sent five already unsolicited. I told her to stop after the first she sent on the plane ride home.” 

 

Phichit choked on the sausage he was taking a bite of, with a dangerously deep guffaw as Chris’ phone rang. 

 

“Is that her?” Phichit giggled. 

 

“It’s Josef, I wonder why he is calling." 

 

Chris answered but was confused when his coach didn’t return his cheerful greeting. 

 

He soon knew why. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys have been dying for it so here is a mini thread on [ my OC Yulia ](https://twitter.com/notunsp00kable/status/1124416612038111232) 😏😉
> 
> how we feelin?


	6. call out my name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from the song "Call Out My Name" by The Weeknd, the song that started it all.

While Yuuri was finishing his sad bowl of Corn Flakes, Olivia texted him about skating together again on Saturday. He was in the middle of tapping his response, still in the clothes from last night, when there was a soft knock at the door. 

 

“Yuuri?” 

 

He could hear his best friend on the other side of the door but could tell something was off. Weirdly enough, Celestino was calling on Facetime but Yuuri guiltily declined. He was worried about Phichit.  

 

_ I hope nothing happened between him and Chris. _

 

“Come in Peach, the door is open.’ 

 

Preparing to be a shoulder to cry on Yuuri sat up in his bed, reaching to turn Phichit’s speaker on.One look at his face though made Yuuri freeze eyes widening as Phichit got in the bed beside him, throwing his blanket over both of their heads like a tent. Sitting like this, cross legged in front of each other with a blanket over them made it seem like they were the only two in the world. It made it easier to confess things or talk about things that are too private for the walls to hear, made it easy to shut everything out. 

 

“P-phichit?’ Yuuri stuttered, hating how quiet and grim the Thai looked. He didn't even look like himself, the sun casting blue shadows over their faces through the blanket. 

 

“Yuuri,’ he rasped, “I don’t know how to tell you this.” 

 

That is when the tears started. Quiet and silent, like death down both of their cheeks. 

 

“What is it Peach-” Phichit started shaking his head furiously, taking Yuuri’s hands into his own. He couldn’t bring himself to look into Yuuri’s eyes, couldn’t bear to watch his friend’s heart be dashed into a million pieces all over again. 

 

_ Yuuri was getting better. I don’t want to do this. Why me? Why now? _

 

Feeling his breathing start to become shallow, Yuuri spoke up, nostrils flaring as he struggled to breathe. 

 

“Tell me Phichit. Say it. Whatever it is, we will get through it. We always do.”

 

Phichit looked up from their hands, shaking and lip bleeding from his teeth. 

 

He sniffled, onyx meeting amber, but it only made it worse. 

 

‘He’s gone.”

 

Yuuri’s tongue felt swollen when he spoke, as though it could cause hypoxia if he let it, “Who?’

 

Hearing hiccups and whimpering, the two men could track Chris’ movements as he came up the stairs. 

 

“Babe?” the blond hiccuped, Phichit raised the edge of the blanket just slightly for Chris to wiggle in with them. 

 

Yuuri felt dizzy as he watched Phichit give Chris a sorry look, making the latter scrunch his face as he held his breath to ward off a sob. 

 

“It’s Victor Yuuri, he passed away.’ 

 

Yuuri could feel himself dissociate, his ears began to ring as his eyes unfocused. 

 

“What?’

 

Yuuri thought he had surely heard him wrong.

 

‘ _ I’m so sorry Yuuri.”  _ Phichit squeezed his hands, knowingly trying to ground him. 

 

“You probably don’t want to hear this Yuuri but I  _ have  _ to tell you…” Chris began to tell Yuuri the story of Masumi and his undercover mission to Russia. It all fell on deaf ears, except for the end. 

 

‘...I just had to tell you Yuuri. I think he wasn’t completely guilty like we had all originally thought. I have told Yulia on many occasions to not contact me anymore but she still persists. Victor was oblivious and could be gullible while she is obsessive and persistent. This very well may have partially been a misunderstanding between him and her that just spun out of control.’ 

 

Phichit raised his head from where it resting on top of Chris’ laying on his shoulder. “I think he might have still been in love with you Yuuri. I mean, why else was he here in De-’

 

Chris grabbed his arm trying to stop his lover from letting that detail slip but it was too late.

 

Yuuri felt like he was going to throw up, ‘“so Olivia was right, he was here in Detroit.” 

 

He was only met with silence as his throat let out a whine on its own accord, contracting and clenching like his heart. 

The part of him that still clung to Victor, still raw from their emotional rollercoaster,  _ mourned _ , wailing as his soul shook to its core.

 

“ _ Fuck, he loved me,”  _ Yuuri started crying fat tears, spiraling as the other two tried to comfort as they lost control themselves. 

 

“ _ Victor, I love you so much. I love you, i love you, I love you.” _

 

_ Come back to me _ , he wished towards his Victor, thinking of the ghost that he spent the night with. 

 

_ If I would've known that was his last night on Earth... _

 

_ “Victor,”  _ he called out his name, wanting his lover back. 

 

_ Victor  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it is over. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to write.   
> I just could not get Phichit to tell Yuuri. :(( 
> 
> Yakov got the call about Victor and since he didnt have any of the skaters' numbers he called their coaches instead. Thank God Phichit and Chris were there for Yuuri.
> 
> Thank you all for reading, I would love to hear your reactions. 
> 
> Head on over to Pumpkin Patches if you'd like. There are two chapters left!

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot tell y'all how hard I cried writing this part, I love him sm
> 
> Victor most definitely should have gotten help. 
> 
> Reach out- the suicide hotline is always available and so are my DMS
> 
> YOU CANNOT WHOLLY GIVE YOUR ALL IF YOU ARE NOT WHOLE (phichit wrote that or sumn)
> 
> find me on [ Twitter](https://twitter.com/notunsp00kable) .
> 
> kudos/ comments appreciated but hate will not be tolerated!


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